Is there a hole?

to let me go into hiding? I wish I can hide from the world forever. It's very dampening during this period of the year. All things didn't work out for the good in my case. Daily being chased and chased to meet deadlines, so many things on hands to do. So many, I am not competent enough to clear all my backlog. Juggling work and home is too tough, and it really take a toil on me mentally and physically. I feel fatigue, I can't articulate my thoughts well, I am very hot-tempered, at the slightest things. Seth's get on my nerves daily. I can scream and scream. Am I going mad? I am sinking into depression again?? How much can I endure? How much more perseverance should I show. How thick skinned can I get?

I am defeated and I needed to break away from all these things that are happening around me. I can't handle them at all. Was it a mistake to even consider having no. 2? Probably life would be easier without no. 2. Life's simpler and work can be handled better. In all ways, I can't seem to snap out of what I am in. I can't stop the negative thoughts, I can't challenge myself further to do much better than I should. Simply loosing my drive. All of me is drowning, spiritually, physically.

I am running away. I don't know where can I run to. I feel like dropping everything I have and go to a far far away place. Out from all the responsibilities. Out from the noise. I hate to fight back the tears and show a brave upfront for my family, for my children, for my bosses and peers. Will this ever be a last blog entry?

Comments

Anonymous said…
so sorry to hear about this. i think you are very brave to share this. do hang in there. we all have our down moments.

Praying that God will lift you through this time. take care.
JACQ said…
hi hi! hey, hang in there! it makes my heart hurt to hear your pain and frustration :( It's been really tough sometimes for us too, just trying to comfort #2 while #1 is screaming for attention. I also scream at G way too much sometimes, and at the end of the day i'll feel so bad for blaring out at her. Please don't feel like you're all alone in this, we're all going through it too. Let me know if you need a shoulder to cry on, or just somebody to talk about, or complain to! :) jacq
June said…
{hugs}. there will be light at the end of the tunnel. hang in there. I'm running on low right now too :)
Anonymous said…
Marr... please don't stress yourself out.
Take a break from work, ask someone to bb sit for you and go relax yourself.
I guess you will feel better after a break.
Relax ok..
Take care!
Unknown said…
Hey Marr,

Totally understand how you feel. I have the same fears. Sometimes, I think I just think too much. Don't even "do". Just think. And I can think myself to the brink of insanity. And then it always dawns on me, my thoughts are always accessible to the Lord, and that brings me great comfort. I pray that this knowledge brings you comfort too...

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